The Parable of the Child

In their ninth year, a child watches their first pornographic film. They sneak out in the dead of night, turn on the computer which sits idle in the family room. They open a browser, searching, no idea as to why, no known cause for their curiosity. They find a link, scroll past video after video, and click play. They know the beginning.  A man and a woman, Adam and Eve, connecting in a tender embrace. Adam breathes life into Eve, and Eve returns the same. But the story goes o

n, beyond what the child knows. Hands move faster, further, venturing into forbidden places. Groping and jerking, legs parting and shaking, mouths and bodies connect and meld in ways the child cannot comprehend. Voices cry out in ecstasy, and the child stares transfixed. Hypnotised by the screen, they cannot look away, millennia passing as eyes desperately move to take in detail. Something breaks the spell, something too frightening or foreign for the child to understand. They close the browser and shut down the computer. In the dark, they sneak back to their bed, and go to sleep. The child whispers to a friend the next day, to tell of what they saw, b

ut cannot find the words. The friend is puzzled – they don’t know of what the child speaks. “This isn’t something everyone knows”, thinks the child. “I’ve done something wrong”. The child hides the knowledge, and a secret is sown.

Why do I have to give money to the church if God can help us if we pray?

At church one Sunday they handed out leaflets for project compassion, the yearly charity cause.
This year if we donated we could buy

Bibles for poor kids in China who were hungry and couldn’t read and had no parents.

“Shouldn’t we get them food if they’re hungry?”

“Shush, listen to Father talk”

But it didn’t make sense. Why would we give starving poor kids in China bibles? like there’s better things we could get them probably.

They said that they only eat a cup of rice a day and cry at night. Why don’t we get them more rice?

Also Jesus fed a crowd of people with 5 loaves and two fishes, why can’t

God just do that there?

A baby is born. The child’s first breath is that of a sinner, the newborn’s soul corrupted by a transgression committed at the dawn of time, condemned to suffer fire and brimstone for all eternity. To save them, they must be christened. The babe is immersed once, twice, and once more, the holy waters of baptism washing over its fragile frame and offering a chance at salvation. A gift from a merciful God. They make it pray; clasp the babe’s tiny hands together hard enough in prayer, and God may forgive its sins. Save it from eternal damnation. For God is a loving god, and He may show mercy to those who fear Him.

Why is there Sin?

If before God, there was nothing, and god created everything, then why did He create sin?

And why did God, when creating His world, create a tree wher

e Adam and Eve could learn sinful behaviour by eating the fruit of the tree? And why would He make an evil snake to tempt Adam and Eve? What’s the point?

Why would a loving God create pain and suffering?

The child soon receives their First Communion. Bells ring and people genuflect in reverence of the Almighty. The congregation raise their voices together in psalms and songs, gifts of bread and wine placed gently on an altar. The leader of the group, vested in satin and gold, raises his hands to the heavens. Singing praise, channelling divine light and dark alchemy, the leader transubstantiates his miracle. Bread and wine are transformed, no longer meagre rations, but the flesh and blood of Christ the Redeemer. The child is called to the altar, to bow before

the leader, and to receive this gift from on high. The child eats the body, the flesh consumed in memory of the almighty sacrifice. The child drinks the blood, poured out for the forgiveness of sins, and drank in fulfilment of an ancient covenant.

If God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are all the same being, then why does Jesus have to die to forgive our sins?

What is the point in God sending Himself down to impregnate the Virgin Mary with

Himself so she can give birth to

Him so that

He can grow up worshipping
Himself and performing miracles by the grace of
Himself to allow
Himself to organise the events that would lead to
Him sacrificing
Himself to
Himself so that
He can forgive the sins
Himself made possible? And then resurrecting
Himself 3 days later and ascending to heaven to sit at the right-hand side of Himself?
At the Rite, the bishop’s homily heeds wariness of the screen, of the pathways it offers to immorality and sin. He warns of pornography, of its hypnotic potential to ensnare the pious, to convert the penitent to blasphemy and self-abomination. The child is gripped with fear, their heart rising to their throat. They knew little of what they had seen, but they knew its name.

In their ninth year a child lear

ns the fate of their soul. Defilers and fornicators are punished with fire and brimstone, tortured in the pits of hell for eternity, and a defiler and a fornicator the child had become. They are no longer the child who loves the creatures of the earth, nor the child grossed in books and fables. The child is a sinner. A pornographer, immoral and a defiler. They are corrupt, and evil beyond measure.

If my choices in life are a) do what God wants and enjoy eternal life or b) do what I want and suffer in hell for eternity, then that’s not re

ally a choice is it?

Any ‘choices’ I make are under the threat of punishment.
That’s not a choice.
And what about actions I have no choice in? How does God judge those?

But if the child fears God. Worships Him. Spreads word of His good deeds, and begs His forgiveness, He might save them once more. For God is a loving god, and He may show mercy to those who fear Him. But, terror binds the child to silence, to speak untruths of fabricated sins to hide their ultimate transgression. And in this way, the secret grows.

When something bad happens, they say that it is a test, or a punishment, or that it is all part of god’s plan.

But when something good happens it’s because god willed it, or a reward for being righteous.

But how is it fair if every bad thing is because of me and every good thing is because of god?

Why doesn’t god do anything when bad things happen?

The child reaches their fifteenth year. They hold many secrets now. Secrets of nights beyond measure spent in terrible adoration of the screen, its unholy wonders transfixing the child with acts of blasphemy and lust.

But if god knows everything that is happening and is going to happen and has a plan for me than what difference does me crying in confession and saying a hail mary make?

Will he change his plan because I got on my knees and begged?

The child holds secrets, secrets borne at the very Genesis of time; of Sodom and Gommorah, of Admah and Zeboiim, of divine punishment enacted in holy retribution.  

Wait but if god knows everything that is going to happen and its part of his plan than why is there disease?

Why is there war?

What kind of god enacts a plan where whole nations succumb to diseases?

How could he watch as entire cultures were destroyed under his name?

What fucked-up kind of god has people being murdered and assaulted and violated as part of their plan?

The child holds secrets of pleasure, of acts seen on the screen imagined and re-enacted in the dark through wicked and covetous desire. Secrets of shame, of contracts
signed with faceless and nameless demons speaking to the child through the screen, whispering sweetness in exchange for a glimpse at purity, of the child,

And how can a loving god look upon a newborn baby and see sin?

How can he look at a baby, whose whole hand can barely curl around their mother’s finger and declare them corrupted, and contaminated and evil?

How am I supposed to see him as a loving god?

AND even IF they could be considered sinful, HE made that possible!

HE made sin and HE defines what is sin!! But if it was FREE WILL that was god’s gift to us then why the FUCK should we suffer for exercising it!!!


There the impure lays, the babe, the child, the Whore of Babylon, the great prostitute sitting on her scarlet beast, glittering with gold and pearls, drunk on the blood of God’s holy people and the abominable things and filth of her adulteries spilling out unto the inhabitants of the earth. The beast once was, now is not, but will come again from the Abyss and go its destruction, and the inhabitants of the world will hate the prostitute. They will bring her to ruin and leave her naked, eat her flesh and burn her with fire, for she has become a dwelling for demons and a haunt for every impure spirit, and God’s people will giver her as much torment and grief as the glory and luxury she gave herself. One day the plagues will overtake her, and she will be consumed by fire and her beast slain by the heavenly warrior clothed in blood, for God is a loving god, and the fury of the wrath of the God Almighty will signal the end of days. Thanks be to God.

I know that when I was born, I was good.
And though it’s hard to remember, I know that I am good now.
I must know it.
I must know that when I close my eyes, and lay down for my final sleep,
I won’t open them to hellfire and brimstone,
or an eternity of paradise in Omelas.
I will rest.
And I will know peace.
And I will know that I was right not to fear a god who claims love, but sows hate.
For god is a loving god
But he doesn’t love me.

And honestly?
Thanks okay by me.

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